Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is estimated to occur in 1 out every 10 children globally. Symptoms typically include difficulty in concentration and distractibility.
Children with ADHD often have “lack of focus” or “laziness” ascribed as a recurring problem. Teachers may say “she is a very bright child but makes silly mistakes” or “he needs to concentrate better in class.”
ADHD is caused by a biological deficit of dopamine - a chemical in the brain responsible for motivation and concentration.
Parenting a child with ADHD comes with its unique set of challenges. These are some hacks you could use if your child has ADHD.
1. Empathy with Accountability
If you have experienced a tantrum or sharp reaction when you reminded your child to study or submit an assignment, you may have had your encounter with Rejection Sensitivity.
Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria is commonly seen in children with ADHD and is marked by a disproportionately large negative reaction to seemingly mild criticism or reminders, e.g., asking a child to complete their homework or submit their assignment.
This occurs as the child often wants to, or intends to, but does not get around to doing things.
This can be challenging for parents who are trying to help their child, and they (parents) might feel discouraged or angered by the response they receive.
An alternate approach is for parents to display curiosity when their child rejects their suggestions. Statements like “I am saying this in your best interest” or “I did not react like this when my parents told me this” don’t stick.
Instead, gently stay with your child as they vent their anger/frustration and when he/she has calmed down, ask them about their difficulty with what has been suggested.
With curiosity, you may be surprised by what you might find. E.g., your child is not completing their homework because they left a notebook in school and not because they don’t want to. You could then discuss how to create a mechanism to ensure that notebooks are carried home after school.
Getting to this balance of curiosity and controlling your emotions as a parent can be challenging. It is important to maintain your boundaries as you stay calm. If your child is being disrespectful, postpone the discussion to another time, stating that you cannot have a conversation with this demeanour.
2. Physical Activity
Good for everyone but critical for individuals with ADHD, especially those who are restless and fidgety. Regular exercise helps ADHD by increasing dopamine, a neurochemical transmitter in the brain which plays an important role in regulating the attention system.
Individual sports like martial arts, swimming, skating, gymnastics and team sports like basketball, soccer and hockey are particularly helpful. Individual sports which require intense focus and concentration, while team sports which require constant movement, are ideal.
Eventually, the nature of activity a child likes drives the decision on which sport to pursue. Parents should not pressurize their child to do a particular sport, and instead try and find one which their child feels naturally inclined to pursue.
3. Daily Structure & Routine
Executive functioning (EF) skills refer to the abilities to plan, organize, initiate tasks (and complete them) and emotional regulation, among others.
Children with ADHD have underdeveloped EF skills, which manifest in forgetting assignments/ chores, missing classes (even the ones they enjoy!) or beginning to study for an exam at the last minute.
This is not a matter of choice, and with effort it is possible to overcome the challenges this presents. Having a daily structure and routine is probably the most critical.
For children & Adolescents with ADHD, putting up their daily and weekly schedule in a place they can see it (e.g., on cupboards, or the fridge) is incredibly helpful.
The schedule should include their waking time, school time, extra classes/ sports/ hobby classes, screen time, meal time, time to pack their school bag at night and bedtime.
This allows a child to focus on the task they need to complete without having to worry about planning for when they need to complete it. It is also important to allow for (limited) flexibility in the schedule. It can be challenging as a parent to follow this discipline, but the effort invested is well worth the returns.
4. ADHD Bedroom
The ADHD mind responds to two types of time - now and not now! It can wander, lose track of time, and forget where it started wandering from. It is recommended that your child’s bedroom has a degree of ADHD proofing. Here are a few suggestions:
Clocks in front of the bed, on the study table, in the bathroom and an alarm clock to get up with. Large, bright clocks are better, so when your child’s gaze wanders, they see the time. Or when they lose track of time, they can quickly check.
- White Board: White boards are fantastic for reminders and for writing your child’s daily schedule. There should ideally be one in front of the bed so it is the first thing that your child sees in the morning. Having another next to the study area is also helpful to keep track of academic schedules.
- Accessibility: If your child plays an instrument, keep it in a place they can reach it easily (e.g. hanging a guitar on the wall) or if they play a sport, keep their racquet or bat where they can see it. This makes it easier for them to pick up and practice versus going to a screen when they are bored.
- Decluttering: With ADHD, it is likely there are regular piles of clutter that make their appearance. Help your child define clutter zones and create a weekly schedule to clear them. This helps children learn how to organize their space (and gives you some respite).
5. Understanding your Limitations
ADHD has a very high genetic predisposition. There is a reasonable likelihood that if a child has ADHD, one parent has it as well or is on the spectrum of ADHD.
Oftentimes, there is a real struggle when both parent and child find it difficult to complete a task. E.g., it might be as hard for you (as a parent) to help your child complete their homework, as it is for your child to complete it.
Asking the other parent (if available) to help, hiring a tutor, or seeking extra support in school could go a long way in helping get through a seemingly insurmountable challenge.
If you suspect you have ADHD, it is best to have this evaluated by a mental health professional. A positive diagnosis can provide relief for you, increase your empathy for your child’s struggles, and unleash your inner genius in helping your child in their journey.
Building support for yourself in this journey can be key. If you feel depleted as a parent or find yourself struggling in spite of your best efforts, it could be useful to consult a mental health professional for guidance.
